emmi

Aloitan tällasilla vanhoilla päivisjutuilla. Nää on piirretty pari vuotta sitten, erään ravintola-illan päätteeksi.

No nää on kans vanhoja päivismerkintöjä, mut laitan niitä tänne kun tykkään näistä niin paljon. (Miksei mulla enää oo aikaa tehdä tälläisiä merkintöjä? - Ai niin, mähän sain lapsen.) ...no laitetaan tähän vertailun vuoks yks viimepäiväinen:

Koska muistikirja-inventaario on viennyt minut mennessään, tässä merkinnässä perehdytään lukio-opintojeni surkean menestyksen taustoihin. Olen piirtänyt nämä noin 8 vuotta sitten, eri perusaineiden tunneilla. Luojan kiitos se aika on takanapäin, eikä enää tarvii ajatella että olis jotenkin "pakko" tehdä mitään mitä ei halua. ...no toi pätmän-juttu ei kyl jatku. Semmosta kuraa oli koko seuraava sivu täynnä. Tää viimenen ei nyt oo mikään sarjakuva, mutta kertoo aika paljon mun motivaatiosta opiskeluun. Nyt jälkeenpäin jo hymyilyttään, silloinhan se oli vaan yhtä kidutusta. Eli: tättä-dää, MATEMATIIKANTUNTI-KALENTERI.... ...Eli homman nimi on se, että vihkoon piirretään yhtä monta ruutua, kuin tunnissa on minutteja (tässä oli kyseessä ilmeisesti välitunniton kaksois-tunti) , ja aina kun kellon viisari nytkähtää yhden minutin eteenpäin, saa värittää yhden ruudun. Kun kaikki ruudut on väritetty, koittaa ihana, suloinen vapaus. Kaikki samojen fiilisten kanssa nyt painivat, -tätä mieletöntä innovaatiota saa kaikki tarvitsevat soveltaa omaan käyttöönsä.

Edellisen merkinnän jälkeen tuli pakottava tarve antaa itsestään vähän realistisempi kuva. Mähän en tosiaan ole enää kuusitoista, vaan lähestyn jo vakavaa 25-vuoden ikää. Tältä näyttää siis aikuisten ihmisten elämä:

19-vuotiaana mulla oli kummallinen ja vaikeasti selitettävä vaihe, jolloin neuroottisesti luin lehti-ilmoituksia ja yritin löytää niistä jonkinlaista yhteyttä omaan elämääni. Varmaan sanomatta selvää että mulla oli vähän sellainen tunne että kaikki on menossa päin helvettiä. ("55-vuotias toimitusjohtaja hakee seuraa.") ("Banaanin kuorimista ja autolla peruuttamista harrastava 27-vuotias mies haluaa tavata naisen! Ps. nähdäänkö eduskuntatalon portailla ja moikataan Lipposta!") ...Viereiselle sivulle olin osuvasti kirjoittanut "Tume sanoi -Voitko hetkeksi lakata olemasta tollannen....teini!!" ("Taiteileva seppä etsii purjelaivalleen nuorta tyttöystävää, opinhaluista apulaista. Viihdyt merellä, pidät tanssista, et ole juoppo etkä juppi.") ("Rehellinen ihminen! Oletko nähnyt ja ottanut talteen ison mustan paperikassin? Sisällä uudet saappaat...") Oma, ystäväni kanssa luomamme ilmoitus, joka lähti kognitiotieteilijöiden postituslistalle. Emme saaneet yhtään vastausta. (""Saahan nyt naisia kylään kutsua. Kai se kymmenenvuotias on nyt jonkun ikäinen nainen", mies perusteli.") Paistaa se aurinko välillä risukasaankin. Löysin poikaystävän. (Kyllä, meillä oli jonkun verran ikäeroa.) Ja jotta piirustus-kiintiötä tulisi edes hipastua tässä merkintään vielä lisäys samoilta ajoilta: Kyynel, kyynel. Äitikään ei soittanut.

Tuoretta. En katsonut. Tuli muuta puuhaa. Öh. Onpa hassun kokoisia. En jaksa välittää, lapseni syö nastoja, pakko mennä.

Yllätyksekseni olenkin löytänyt aikaa piirtelylle. Siinäkin määrin, että aikaa skannaamiselle ei juuri juuri ole ollut. Mutta tässä jotain mun luonnoskirjan antia: Narsissin sipuleita.

En oo päivitellyt vähään aikaan, kun en oo jaksanut ihan opetella käyttämään vielä tätä sarjisblogia, ja toisekseen skannaaminen on niin saakelin tylsää. Mutta nyt, kun mun pitäis tehdä maailman tylsintä duunia, ja dedis lähestyy kuin myrskypilvi, näyttäisi olevan sopiva hetki ruukata tätäkin ajan tasalle.

Ninkuin näkyy, malli on itse viimeistellyt kuvansa.

Sen kunniaksi, että löysin koirani tänä aamuna Porvoon löytökoira-talosta. Joku laupias oli sen sinne vienyt. Friidalla kun on tapana vähän...ulkoiluttaa itse itseään.

Nää on piirretty Haapsalussa kesällä 2010. Välistä puuttuu joitakin oleellisia sivuja (joita en nyt tässä julkaise, sillä ne ovat olleet lähinnä luonnoksia tai kirjallisia muistiinpanoja) joiden sisällöstä käy ilmi, että päätin samalla reissulla vieroittautua tarpeettomaksi jääneistä psyykelääkkeistä ja rauhoittavista. Joissakin jutuissa esiintyvä eestin kieli on päästävedettyä. Viimeisessä sivussa se pieni minkä tuuli vie, on kurkun taimi.

Tein keväällä tän blogihaasteen pitääkseni kynää liikkeessä. Piirtämistä haastavammaksi on osoittautunut skannaaminen ja blogin pyörittäminen. Niinjoo, tässä heitellään vähän sarjakuvapoliittisia mielipiteitä, niistä sen verran, että ne on tässä esitetty aika karrikoituina ensireaktioina. Tän pohjalta ei kannata mua siis nyrkkitappeluun haastaa. ...Vaikka se jos mikä oliskin kiinnostava blogihaaste.

Melkein jäi tääkin arkistojen aarre jakamatta maailman kanssa.

Tämmönen löyty hdestä muistikirjasta.

Tänkin haasteen piirsin joskus keväällä, kun rupes tuntumaan siltä ettei huvita piirtää enää mitään ikinä. Toimi piirtämishaluttomuuteen, mutta myönnän että draaman kaari jäi aika vähäiseksi.

Piirsin tämän, kun tavallaan jäin sen velkaa. Mun piti mös itselleni yrittää järkeillä että kuka sä olit, ja mitä sä teit mun elämässä. ...Ja hei, kertakaan tätä piirtäessäni en karannut salaa jonnekkin vetämään perskännejä vaan siksi että se oli vaikeeta.

Nyt myös väreissä! / Now in color! Like any proper girl, I as well think about DRESSES more that I wear them. / "Nick and Milka are getting married, and I have NOTHING to wear!" I started freaking out well in advance. I bought a pair of shoes like ages ago, but I have no intention of using them EVER! / "...I've always wanted to know ho to walk in high heels, but I thinki this wedding is not the place to practice..." "...Ouch." For real the wedge is higher! So I bought a dress from online. It got lost in the mail. "Good bye, the Great Gatsby -elegance!" / As a backlash I nearly bought something COMPELITELY DIFERENT. ...But then I visualized this situation: / "Ah, all the romance!" "...Why couldn't I too hold a relationship, really?" / "OH YES. " "Because I look like a psycho." I've also tried on a numerous pieces of sale-dresses, and I had no idea, that I could look fat in so many different ways! "With rustic-romantic style." "In the spirit of the 80's." "Childishly." "Like a Femme Fatale." "and like a teenager." I really know, that the fault is not in me, or at least not in my butt, these dresses just simply HATE me! ...And I don't want a dress like that. I want a best friend!... I was almost giving up, when I had an illumination. / "I had so much fun in this dress last summer!" "...and if I'll chainsmoke, I can pretend that those burnt holes in the tulle are fresh! And I don't really need shoes at all!" / You know you have a true friend, when she sticks by your side trough the hard times! ...Hmm... Should I consider a headpiece of some kind? "Isuppose everything's pretty fine, if I have the opportunity to wallow in light thoughts like these!"

Kotona:

It's odd, that in the middle of a cricis, you can find something waluable. ...Even if it feels like that everything's just about pulsing penises, crying women, hurted feelings, avoiding responsibilities, and all kind of panic-reactions... ...There can still be a treasure, hiding in the eye of a tornado. "What do you think is important in a relationship?" "Well, hard to tell..." "...A certain freedom. And that one can trust the other person." "...common 'opinion-atmosphere' " "I would love it, if both were WILLING to work for the relationship!" / "...Even if it means, that sometimes you have to make a note in the calender saying 'making love every monday'." "What do you think is important?" "...Hmm ...Well, I guess it is the freedom. I'm not very willing to compromise anymore." "...But. I know I could be a 'bit more flexible my self." / "Yeah, I think we all could." "I stll do believe in love. Despite of everything." "Yeah. Why wouldn't she? On a beautiful, care-free evening like this..." "...Here the three of us who have failed at that thing, are sitting, and still able to imagine, how it SHOULD be..." Omituista melankoliaa / Odd melancholy: "Mum called to tell me that she had found a wild cherry tree, and that for the first time in 17 years, she had spent 24hours totally alone at home." Ja lopuksi reaktioni erään miespuolisen henkilön kommenttiin "Kyllä musta on suuri vääryys, että mä joudun sukupuoleni vuoksi maksamaan henkivakuutuksesta enemmän kuin naiset, vaikka naiset ihan omalla käytöksellään hankkiutuvat jatkuvasti tilanteisiin, joissa on vaarana tulla raiskatuksi." : And this was my reaction to one gentlemans comment: " I do think it's a great injustice, that just because my sex, I have to pay more for my life insurance that women, even though women are getting raped all the time, just because of how they dress and behave themselves."

(Even socially-retarded need ...something.) "But have you ever thought, that maybe polyamory could be the thing for you?" "...Umm...no... Or well maybe sometimes, 'cos when I've just broken up with someone, I might find my self thinking, that I'm gonna start dating some nice couple..." "...But I think that I have a little 'rosy' image of the whole thing..." "...But it could be JUST LIKE THAT! You should try it!"

Tälläsiä lötyi luonnoskirjasta. Musta näissä on jatkokehittelyn ainesta, jahka joskus ehdin. / I found these from my sketch book. I think there's something workable in here, if I have the time someday.

Älä ala mulle, tai piirrän mun päiväkirjaan omituisen kuvan ja pistän sen mun blogiin kolme viikkoa myöhemmin! / Don't start with me, or I'll draw a freaky picture in my journal, and blog it three weeks later! "Here I vomit on your soul."

A friend. "Fuck what a day!" / "...I'm not gonna even start..." "I mean everything that can go wrong, went wrong! ...Everything!" / "Phew!" "...But it's nice that you are here..." / " ...Could we just be. ...Let's do nothing!" "Well, yes, but I'm not like a friend of yours." / " I'm Molly Ringwald, and you've been watching too much Breakfast Club and Pretty In Pink." / "Real people think that you are weird, and a little 'bit scary too. ...But. That's that. I'm off." / The End!

Dear diary! "Uh, It's been a tangled week! My bike & keys got stolen, there's something wrong with my hip and I'm in pain, and got my DVD-player messed up. Then I realized, that I fucked up this thingie, which means that for now, Im broke." "But, what can you do? Still have to keep myself busy, so that I don't have time to get depressed or anything." "If one thing ain't working out, I'll just move on to the next one. No time for wallowing!" "Stupid thing with the DVD-player tough..." "I mean, I tried to comfort my self by ordering a a pile of silly 80's movies, and now I can't watch them!" LUCKILY this week can't last forever!

Left Page: "Aaargh, I'm bored and I want sweets! ...There must be at least one lonely piece of candy somewhere in this apartment !" Against all odds, our heroines sugar tooth got it's satisfaction trough this catch: *A lollipop, that played the role of a wedding candy at my friends weddings, found from my party-purse.* *Chocolate-bar, found in between a pile of books at my nightstand* (Text on the book covers: " Finnish female writers firs novel" and "Self-published poems") *Wide range of experimental jams, that widen a persons idea of the things that can be jammed.* (On the jam-jars: "Passion-fruit" "Green tomato" and "Mint") / Right Page: *Peppermint-lollipop, forgotten as a decorative element.* *Cinnamon cookies, bought as bribes for a 3yo. (Surprisingly tasty with the collection of experimental jams.)* *Bar of raspberry drops, which turned out to be glucose-tablets.* *A hand full of cola-stripes, hidden in my purse last spring.* "I feel sick!" Oli hirvee olo vielä seuraavana aamunakin. / I felt awful until the next morning. P.S. Piirsinpä eilisen merkinnän tulevaisuudessa! / I guess I drew yesterdays post in the future!

On tullut sairasteltua, joten päivitän jälleen tälläisellä vanhemmalla helmellä, joka muutoin jäisi maailmalta näkemättä. (...Kokonaisuudessaan. Facebook-ystäväni ovat ensimäistä sivua joskus ihailleet, mutta taisin jättää silloin mainitsematta, että itseasiassa tätäkin vitsiä sai venytetyksi neljän sivun mittaiseksi.) / I've been sick, so I post this treasure, that the world would mayotherwise never see! (...Entirely. My Facebook-friends may have seen the first page, but I didn't admitted to them, that actually there were a lots more of this stuff!) "I want to be funny!" "No way! It's our job!" / "We are like silly dogs!" "Unruly but adorable!" / "Then what are we?" "Well... Like.." / "Mystical mussels!" "I don't want to! I wanna be funny!" / "Well, you can't be everything." "Oh, you be somekind of 'Mystical sea cucumber' and well see how much fun that is!" / "Besides, everybody want's to pet the puppy..." / " ...But nobody thinks that mussels are cute! "...and quite a few will be willing to eat them!" " Except 'Sometimes when hangovered, and with a pizza.' " "I'll become a dog too!" "Well it's not that simple!" / "I mean... you don't even know any tricks!" "Hey, don't take this personally, but..." / "Those tricks of your's are all sympathetic and everything..." " 'Stand.' ... 'Find the ball.' " / "Nice. But not my thing. " "Hmph!" "...Well now you got hurted." / "All I'm saying is, that we don't have to same kind of dogs!" "You'll be that toilet-seat-wetting, eager, trick-dog..." / "...And can be one of those small, feisty, lapdogs!" "Yeah, right!" "You just have to always steal the show, don't you!" / And so: "Let's get some air..." "And I'll give you a bone later!" "That's a cute furry thing you got there!" / "Don't touch!" "Grrr!" / "Holy fuck! It bites!" / "You should never fondle Fifis you don't know!" / "Hey! "No pulling!" / "Oh, that's a playful little fella!" "Well yeah... It get's excited like that sometimes." "Oh look at that, Spotty is all showing off! Look at him standing!" "Yeah. ...Nice trick!" / "Hey, we could take these too out to play this evening!" / "Sure. Why not. At eight?" / "Be a good girl then, Fifi... remember what happened last time?" / "Hey, I'm done with that pooch of yours!" "Train it a bit, would you! It's constantly all over me!" / "...Or then again..." "...Mybe we'll hang out only with animal lovers from now on!" "But now we must go home! We'll have nicely some time to give you a little trimming!" -Goofyed by Emmi Valve, 2011.

Tehomimmit hoitaa blogimerkinnät kurssimuistiinpanojen ohessa.

Squirrels and Nuts. "Have you met anyone lately?" "...Well, not really... exept for... well I dunno..." / "Well OK, I met this guy, who I have to say, was as cute as a ...chocolate covered nut!" "Giggle!" " 'Chocolate covered, slighly salted cashew-nut' was what I was actually thinking, 'but It would've maybe sounded a bit specific, in a freakish way." / "He was good looking, but didn't seem arrogant or self-conscious about it..."He laughed at my stupid and nervous jokes..." "...And told same kind of stories too." " He's a carpenter, which of course impresses me..." "...But then I found out, that he had built he's own contrabass!" "Not that being a musician automatically is a good thing..." "Well yeah!" "...but contrabass!" "I know!" "...Those hands!" "Those hands..." "Yeah..." "Yeah..." / "So, are you going to call him or something?" / "No!" "No no" "He WAS lovely, but I don't pick all the pretty flowers I see either..." "Like this guy I told you about... The one that held my hand..." "...Oh dear God. Is there anything sweeter? He too was like a small furry squirrel or something..." "But... I don't have to DO anything over every crush I have..." / "...So, you just like to think about these guys?" "Well yes. They don't go bad that way."

(Brakefast of the champions.) "Ngh! ...Shitfuck!" / "Have to take one of these. This pain is insane." / "Oh Jesus fucking fuck! It hurts so much that it makes me cry!" / "...I'll just lay here, and wait for the medicine to start kicking. ...What will I do, if they won't re-write the recipe? ...Jesus, I must get back to work soon!" / "Huh, at last! Thank god, I was already late from my schedule 'cos I had a flu!" / " ' They don't always find a reason for these kind of pains.' " "How is that possible?!" " It CAN'T hurt this much without a reason!" " And I can't live like this forever, without anyone trying to do anything about this!" / Luckily I still have working medication.

(Where humor was born.) "Oh hell with this pain! Why won't they figure out what's wrong with me?!" / "Well. No can do. Back to the drawing table." "I may need to improve my filing system..." "...Well now I feel funny... Kaaduin!!/ I fell!!/ Hah hah ha!!

Day off / Today I'm pretending it's a day off. Just a for tiny moment I separate my self from EVERYTHING HARD. THE NURSES, THE DOCTORS, THE RECIPES, THE DIAGNOSIS (OR THE LACK OF IT...) "Ok, but if you are not gonna re-write this recipe, then write me something else! Soon I'm not even able to get out of the bed!" "'The doctor will call you'...-Yeah, when? Next weeks friday? ...ok... *sigh*" "And where can I contact if-" ...JOB-STUFF... "This time I tought we could talk about what leading a corporation means in details..." " Help. I'm totally in a wrong place." "What was I thinking?" "Fuck. Did I remembered to fill up that one form?" "I don't have enough clients. Help." ..."FREE TIME"... "What's up?" "Same shit." "Same shit from here to eternity. I'm SO bored." / ...EMOTIONAL LIFE... "'Blah blah blah!!!'" "Stop being such a pathetic looser! Argh!" ...EVERYDAY-LIFE... "...Ok. So the DVD-player still doesn't work, and i have no idea why, but the lights in my corridor and toilet are broken." "(But I think I'm too tired to think about that stuff anymore.) ...AND THEREFORE: "I'm having a a day off!" "Shh, be quiet." " ...Even more quiet!" "...So quiet that I can hear the clouds moving." Tällänen pirteä bonus-kuva löytyi duunimuistiinpanojen välistä: And here's a cheery extra-picture from my notebooks.

Here, on the deck 8, at Eckeröline M/S Norlandia, nobody's really missing the morning disco, or wondering if it's late enough to change the bellinis to beer. Here we are just waiting this uncomfortable journey just to be over. It's good to sleep in Haapsalu. It's raining. I'm listening to the radio, and drawing. Soon i'll take a nap. I agreed to meet Ragnar today. Tomorrow back to Finland & home. Taking a walk. "Not the best idea." Mum told me over the phone, that this storm is some sort of reaction to hurricane Katia. / It's so windy during the night, that i'm afraid I might wake up at the Oz.

Rush. / "Hey you must eat a 'bit faster now, we are already late!" / "I mean it kid! Put that food in your mouth!" / "Did you heard me?!" // "Oh, come here Bear. Let's talk." "I'm sorry I was so stupid." / "...You don't have to eat fast. And we don't have to go anywhere." / "...Do you wanna read something?" / "Yeah. Karlsson of the roof." / "We'll take a nap first, and then we could bake something. Cookies. And a cabbage-pie." "Hmm. Well, I don't have to try this again..."

September 2011 / "Oh, Märta!" "...Henrik, Henrik..." "I really would LIKE to believe you! But come on! I'm not swallowing it! These kind of stories are made up by screwed up 'artists', who need an alibi for being such an assholes! 'Love.' Yeah, right!" "...I don't know. I'm like somehow all tired ...and CYNICAL." "There, there. " "Lay your head down on my lap." / "mmmhmm..." "...Who are you by the way?" "I'm The Endless And Hopeless Darkness Of The Fall." / "...Oh."

Empowering What The Fucking Ever. / "...well you know, I think it's a 'bit same, than if someone takes a shit..." / ...And then: "Hey, don't throw this away!" " Oh, no! This is valuable you know!" / "Look at it!" "Let's frame it!" "Nice flow!" "You really shouldn't hold your self back!" "Take a look Ulla (or can I call you Ultsu?) what comes out of you when you really push it!" "Hey everybody else, come and take a look what Ultsu did!" "Now I wish, that you, as Ultsus family, will support her with this process." " Yes, these are very important things, and you can even create a some kind of block, if you aren't feeling supported." / " Ultsu, we and your family want you to look at this, and realize that you are capable of doing this! " "This has gone trough YOU!" "Don't deny this side of you'r self, it's a strong and a capable machine!" / "...And that is why I feel very skeptical towards all kind of art-therapy."

20 things better than sex! / A hamburger. / "Yeah. Like a magic-hamburger maybe."/ "...the kind that gives me superpowers or makes me invisible when I take a bite." / Shoes on sale. / "I've never bought shoes that WEREN'T on sale." / Chocolate. "Give it a rest with that chocolate-propaganda already!" / When a hot guy smiles at you. / "Yes. OR when a hot guy fucks me good..."/ -flip- / 20 ridiculous sex-tricks! / "Hello, I'm a cosmo-girl! I get my satisfaction from eating chocolate, but for your pleasure I've learned to tie a knot on a cherry spindle with my vagina!" Thank you Cosmopolitan also for sharing this information: " 'Hottie' is a workable word." "You are allowed to leave your boyfriend, If his ex is still hes fb-friend!" "Don't nag with text messages to your partner." "For a job interview, don't dress like you were going to a night club." " If your mans fb-status says 'carpe diem', he's like really deep." "Don't ask from a man what he thinks." "...instead you can try to interpret his handwriting." "Cook, shave, satisfy, and please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE your MAN."

Analyse this, Sigmud Freud!, September 2011/ I had this same nightmare for years, in which was forced to get married. Wedding was organized by relatives of the groom, and they made me wear this hideous dress. I was terryfied, 'cose I knew getting married was a bad idea / "Oh, so lovely!" "...but he doesn't even love me!" / The dream always ended the same way. I was left at the altar, and I felt compelitely humiliated. / "I have to get out of here RIGHT NOW!" Last night I had a similar dream again. This time the dress was nice. / "Help! I'm making a huge mistake!" "...Thank God the priest will ask "do you", and I can answer I DON'T!" / But then: "The groom has disappeared!" "Oh poor Emmi!" "No, no, don't feel sorry for me! I didn't wanted to get married!" "That worm could've stayed and take some responsibility thought." "Everybody calm down! Let's party! Everything's great!" "...I love this dress, but it would be weird to wear it..." "Miikka, bring me my golden dress!" / "And you there! Yes, you! Fuck off!" "Everybody here knows that you have been fucking with that 'fiance' of mine for the past two years, so could you just leave so we don't have to whisper when we talk shit about you!" "Hey, don't look so...shocked!" "We have the dresses and the black ties, We have cake and sparkling wine!" "We are not celebrating the wedding, but the fact that that we didn't make that awful mistake!" "...Hmnn... My subconscious is clearly evolving..."

Be aware of the BRAINDEAD-GIRL! ...Work? What work?... ...No I mean... ...Mm, brains!... ...Where are my socks?... ...Do I have socks?... ...Umm, so... ...Eeeh, when was I suppose to travel to Estonia again?... ...and there was some meeting too, right?... ...This pile is like "done" and that pile is...No, wait... ...I mean, the date went already. Oh snap... NOW NEAR YOU AT...Wait a sec, I'll check.

"Oh, cool. Instead of knowing how to set the alarm, i've just messed up this thing again," Brightlight-alarm clock / "This BETTER kick!" (brakefast: half a lemon & sea ​​buckthorn juice) /"...But! ...What does this mean? ...Who's translated my calender to hebrew? How I'm now suppose to know what to do?" / " It's 10am. Can I take a nap now?" / Wellcome, oh so lovely October!" "No problem." "This year I can do this!" "I'm prepared!" " (...To sleep from here to May.)" ...Just as I started to fill up my home with moss, and collect nuts inside my cheeks, the rain stopped, and the sun came out. I decided to make it at least 'till the November. ...Or lunch-time. Yritin tossa pari päivää sitten piirtää, mutta siitä ei tullut mitään. Tämä kollaasi kertoo ehkä olennaisimman: Few days ago I tried to draw. It didn't really worked out. This collage sums it up pretty good.

Love-spell, (Written 2009) / "What are you having?" "Nothing, thanks."/ "No, for real. A beer?" "Well, I like to pay my own..." / "Nooo...! I'll take one too! Let's drink tequila!" / "Oh no, no teguila! Thank you, but I can't-" / "Well what can you drink? Come on, have a beer, let me buy you one!" "...Well OK." / "So, a beer for the lady..." "Thanks." / -gulp- / "Hohhoohhooo!! Now I own you! When a maiden after midnight tastes a drink that you have payed for, she shall be your's!!" "Now you have to have sex with me!" "Mhmm, mmhhmm, tell me more..." "...and often my work is called feminist, and I have to say, that that aspect exists, but I my self have been very surprised that how much violence and grotesque themes i've been wanting to process..." Thanks for the beers, Emmi 25. 11. 2009

Siis jos jossain ei tapahdu yhtään mitään, niin näissä jutuissa. / Don't hold your breath. / Nothing is going to happen in these stories. In Tallinn, at Ragnar's place, 1.10.2011 / "wake up already..." What I did on Monday/ "What, i've red this book." "...I have this." / "Oh well. That's that then." "...It was a good book tough." Haapsalu -State Of Mind: "Hmm..." "...That spider hasn't moved in four days..."/ "...Should I get worried?"/ "No, wait a sec. I think that two days ago it had it's tummy towards the sun." "So it has moved."

Oon viimeaikoina ollut kiinnostunut kumoamaan sitä sisäistä käsitystäni, että mulla on psykopaatin värisilmä. Kiinnostavaa. ...Itseasiassa tälleen kuvassa mun makuuhuoneenkin värimaailma näyttää ihan ookoolta. Lately i've been challengin the idea, that i have just as much eye for color than a blind psychopath does. This is interesting. ...And I think that somehow even my bedroom looks ok in pictures.

Viime Haapsalun reissullani tapahtui ei yhtään minkään lisäksi jotain muuta. Tämä on omistettu kaikille teille, joille väärinkäsityksiä tuntuu sattuvan. On my last trip to Haapsalu, Estonia, something happened. This one is for all of you, who seem to get misunderstood a lot. (The translated version is under this all-in-finnish-version. If you can't see it, click the headline of this post, or "Katso koko kirjaus>" at the bottom of the post.) And here's the same, not entirely in Hebrew: This is how I assume your version will sound like: "Welll...there was some sort of misunderstanding with the girl next door! I dunno, she propably drank too much, why else she would'we gotten so mad? Crazy chick." / FOR AVOIDING ALL MISUNDERSTANDINGS IN THE FUTURE: " Don't touch! I dont like it!, Stop it! I'm not playing hard to get!, I don't want to have sex with you!, I want you to treat me with more respect! ALL OF THESE AND "NO" MEANS: NO!" You would think this is all clear, right? THEN HOW ON EATRH, did we ended up from HERE:... ...TO HERE? (Moment right after you tried to get in to my apartment without permission.) / "Hi! Care for a Finnish newspaper? How about company?" "So you came on Saturday? I've been here, right next door, for over a week now. On a 'holiday'." / "Leave me alone! When I fucking tell you that a no means no, it fucking means no!" "I have nothing more to say, than that I pity you for being such a stupid poor girl!!!" THE PROBLEM WASN'T REALLY IN YOUR ABILITY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I SAID, BUT THE TRUE MISUNDERSTANDING HAPPENED HERE: / "Well yeah yeah! Could this joking around stop now! We had a deal! You agreed to spend the night with me!" "What deal?! Agreed when?!!" / "Well for fucks sake, already when I payed for the cheese-plate!" So from this we can make the conclusion that inside your head, THIS: ... ...IS WORTH THIS: AND THIS: ...IS WORTH THIS: / "Clearly spoken Finnish." "One can only hope, that nex time, when a sight like this makes you drool, and you decide to attack it, like it was a pece of cheap meat..." "You would at least for a moment keep in mind, that a great ass and nice tits are just sideproducts..." / "...And that actually there are no in-build reasons, why I couldn't for example do your job, drive your car, and fuck your wife." "And yes pleace, I woul like to be treated with the respect that I deserve." "Oh yeah. Then there are these men (and women!) who claim that stuff like this doesn't happen, that chick is lying, she's seeking some attention, not that guy, he's a good guy, hush hush now, the truth is so uncomfortable, and at the end of the day, a lie told by a middle aged man is more valuable that a truth told by any woman." "To all of them I would like to say that: You are JUST AS BAD as the pig you are covering for!" / Text on a tombstone: ALL THE RESPECT THAT I HAD FOR YOU.

Aattelin että mun kurja elämäni näyttäisi hauskemmalta väreissä. / I thought that my crappy life would look more fun in color. "Right now I'm going trough this phase, when I wish I was good at something else than ....this. ...At something REASONABLE." / "This is self betrayal. Not even 5 liters of coffee will make me any cheerier, or any more effective and rational." / "Hey desk, stop making me feel guilty!" "Sometimes you fill me up with panic." / "I mean, if something is useless, it's THIS." "Besides most jobs pays the bills. I have not figured out yet, how this will to do that" / "I do know that at some point I may have to start thinking, if I could do something else than this..." "...But not quite yet." Text on the sign: I will draw you my tits, 15e/ each. Psst, kerron salaisuuden / Psst, I'm gonna tell you a a secret: This is what girls look like when they are home alone, eating fudge.

Being sick makes me feel helpless and lonely. / I've been suffering from chronic pains. / Doctor told me today, that I'm gonna be okay in three years... / ...I'm facing three years of helpless loneliness. / "Fuck you, life!"

/ From diary. / Tää jäi kesken, kun paperi oli vääränlaista, sivellin ei lustanut, kynä oli paska ja hajos, eikä mikään muutenkaan mennyt niinkuin piti. / This one I never finished, 'cos the paper was wrong kind, the brush didn't had a nice flow, the pen was shitty and broked down, and everything went just wrong anyways. "Hey now!" "Get up!" / "...Hrmmnh... ...Nooo!..." "...I don't want to!..." / "My eyes hurt! You sadist!" / "I've had it with that whining!" "Get a grip, woman!" / "...But... Everything's so HARD... and POINTLES..." Yeah. That's how your life is. And all the other things in this world as well. Get up!" Saturday, or "Sparkling wine in a dirty wintersport-underwear." / "Hi Bear. Did you missed me?" "No!" / "We saved you a waffel." "Nice." / "It's a nettle-waffel. On top of it is porcini mousse, and some Parma ham." / "Let's open one of these too." / "You have something on your shirt." "Yeah." / "It's coffee."

En saa oikein kynää liikkeelle, etsin blogihaastetta antamaan vähän potkua, en löytänyt sellasista johon olisin halunnut tarttua. Kokosin tän 30:n kohdan haasteen ihan röyhkeästi muista haasteista, jotka eivät sellaisenaan minua tyydyttäneet. 30 päivitystä 30:ssä päivässä. Alkaen huomisesta. / I can't really get my pen flowing, and I tried to search for a blog challenge to give me a 'bit of a kick, but didn't found any. So I ruthlessly made this 30-day challenge by copy pasting from other challenges. So, 30 posts in 30 days, starting from tomorrow. Ainiin, ja typerä webcam kuva, koska en ole piirtänyt mitään: A stupid webcam photo, 'cos I haven't drawn anything. Haaste / The challenge: • My first love. • Today I ate... • My handbag. • What I regret. • My first time. • What shocks me. • Today I screwed up... • What comforts me. • Today in my kitchen... • My pet. • What makes me cry. • What scares me. • Today I succeeded at... • What I love. • My favorite place. • Today I wore... • What I miss. • My crush. • What I'm aiming at. • My last moment. • Today in my bedroom... • My hero. • What embarrasses me. • My guilty pleasure. • What I think is beautiful. • Today I bought... • My future. • What I suck at. • My sins. • Today, in my bathroom...

Blogihaaste 30-30 Blog challenge I had my first love when I was 6 years old. I barred the boy (who's name I've forgotten) into the playhouse with poles. / There really is a photo of me somewhere, similar to this picture. / I met him once, when I was maybe 14. / "Hi, are you *****? What happened to your eye?" "A girl threw me with a stone. ...It'll heal." / "Wow." "You ain't very lucky with the girls, are you?" / That's that story then!

Blogihaaste 30-30 Blog challenge Jotkut saattavat tietää, ettei tämä tapahtunut tänään, vaan pari päivää sitten. Se johtuu siitä, että piirsin tän silloin, ja postasin vasta nyt. Mä keksin tän haasteen, ja mä saan myös keksiä säännöt. / Some of you may know, that this actually happened few days ago. That's cose I drew this then, and blogged it now. My challenge, my rules! What I ate today: Few breads with pesto, smoked cheese and tomato. Salty liquorice. Natural yogurt with granola and honey. A mandarin. Semolina pudding with blueberry soup. Anchovy-olives. THE HIGH-POINT: Chocolate from the bottom of my laptop!

Blogihaaste 30-30 Blog challenge MY HANDBAG was too expensive for me, but I was hung-over when I bought it, so I didn't really cared. Right now it's quite organized, and contains: Mints. Coins. An ugly wallet. Notes and papers from meetings. A spoon. A passport. A pair of scissors. Nailpolishes, lipsticks and lipglosses. An American classic, that I yet have not red. Pencils. A wrinkle cream -sample. A pocket mirror. A mandarin. Crocheted gloves. A journal. Lighters. Derbris. / It also SHOULD HAVE contained: / A bit boring, I admit. Maybe from now on I also start carrying these around: /

Blogihaaste 30-30 Blog challenge. I can like right away admit that I regret all kind of things in this life. / But the winner is a timeless classic, from which I have learned my lesson (?) and want to share this piece of advice with you: / "Tell people what they mean to you, because soon it can be too late!" "Besides love is a powerful tool, and you can't over use it!" / " What do you mean do I live like I reach? For sure. Any day now. ...I mean, nobody's dying right NOW, right?..." "...It's just... ...Scary."

Blogihaate 30-30 Blog challenge. MY FIRST REAL DATE. I was 18. I don't remember the young man's name. I my self had some confusing hair crisis going on. "Hi." "Hi." *Nervous.* / The start wasn't promising. " I must say I was surprised that you called!" "But you know, it's always flattering when someone asks you out!" / "Umm... YOU asked ME out! " "He doesn't remember!" / Still: "Well... I am studying, but I'm about to drop out from high school as soon as I come up with something else..." "I like arts. I'd like to do something that has something to do with that..." "I'm going to be an engineer." "You should study technology as well. That's where the money is." "...Do you like travelling?" "I mean I love traveling!" "This summer I traveled all over Europe. I go trough cat-shows." "I'm heading to Lisbon in few weeks with my cats!" "...Or not really MY cats. More like my ex's cats actually." / "...uh. ...Oh really?" "WTF?" "Oh! Yeah..." / "It was really hard to find a hotel in Paris that allows cats." "In Hamburg the hotel offered even the food-bowls." "Of course there really isn't time for anything else than hotels, fair-halls and cats. ...But not really energy for anything else either." "You should quit smoking. It's a disgusting habit." "I don't want to." / "Then you should study extended math. It will really pay of when you apply to polytechnics." "No, I'm serious about my place being in arts and culture." "Don't worry, you'll life will come around." "...Come around?" / "Yeah, well you ought to keep that stuff as a nice hobby." "...I should go now." "I'm quite into karaoke, and we are about to sing today." "Phew!" "Phew!" I think it is clear to everybody, that we didn't met again!

I get freaked out on daily bases just by the fact, that these kind of people REALLY exist: / "Because I'm a white, middle-aged male, I get to decide who gets to get married and have kids." / "Stop whining!" "When Islam takes over Finland, then it really sucks to be a woman here!" / "Sow me your pussy!" / "I don't care wahat they do in their own bedroom!" " Just as long as they don't push them selves in to my awareness!" / "Feminist-Cunt." "Nigger." "Butt-Boy." "Towel-Head." / "52kg is the top limit!" "Giggle!" "Yew! A hair!" "These are important things you know!" "Shame on you!" / "How about if everybody just reports their physical, ethnic and personal qualities for me, and then I either approve them, or disapprove them, and that way we'll finally have some sort of an order in this world."

Blogihaaste 30-30 Blog challenge. Fusillis. Salmon pasta. / "What's that smell?" "Did I left the stove on?" / "Oh shit!" / "Blah!" "I don't do stuff like this!" ...This would be more like me: "Escargots á la herbs de sauvage! (Look, I made up French!)" (In made-up-French I said "Snails with wild herbs!") / "But nooo! This time I had to burn the macaronis!" "...Well, fusillis actually. Atleast." / Apparently it is possible to learn something just by reading menus.' Escargots avec herbs sauvages' would've been correct. I give my self 8/10 points! Päiväkirjasta / From diary : "I can hear your heart growl."

"Oh, It's starting to rain!" "...and it appears to be shit!" / "This is nothing. This is just some 'northern melancholy'." / THIS was depression: "Emmi. Come and take your medications." "You could also get up soon for your occupational therapy." / "THIS will get better just by ...reading in the bathtub... and... eatting vegetables..." / And this will be over by may anyways. ...Then I can start being all "Fuck! All this light and warmth! I can't take it, I'll getsome tilt or something soon!" "Dear Diary!"

About the beauty of an egg. "One of my favorite foods is an omelet." "Because it can make you happy." / For some reason, when you are depressed... ...there's only depressed food in your fridge too. BUT! All you need is 2 eggs, to make those sad outkasts into something awesome! / / "You and you! On the frying pan!" "I'm so old." "And you two! Turn your selves into a salad!" Making an omelet, I try to keep these two things in mind : / "Whip it well! Lighten with some milk or something!" "Oh how I'm fluffy!" / & Fry on a MILD heat, for a LONG time, fully cooked. (No need for flipping here!) (Oh, use a lid! There's a lid missing in this picture, but it gives a wrong idea about an omelet anyways.) Things that go well in to an omelet: potato & dill, horseradish, peas, seasame seeds & wild mushrooms, soya, lax, tabasco. / And of course: ( I And this is how an omelet can affect your life: / "Buhuu. I suck at everything! Everything sucks!" / "...But ...but ...It's..." "...Perfect!" / "I made THIS!" "sob!" / " Oh, sweet, reliable omelet! Always ready to spread your everyday-beauty!" / It is also possible, that if you google the word "omelet", you'll end up at my facebook-profile. " I

Civilised Nervous Breakdown. "Watch and learn, kiddos!" I knew this was coming. "At the beginning of January? Can't make it. I'll be having a nervous breakdown." / So. Here we are. Staring out the window, wearing the same flannel shirt, for god knows how many days on a row. "...I did turned this inside out just the other day." There's been some clear development. "This week I once listened Nina Simone instead of Ella Fitzgerald." / "...And yesterday I put pants on." "...I think they are laughing at me on that balcony." I'm not going strictly by the plan, tough. "...Wait? Only the SECOND time I cried?" "And not that much either..." / "This may mean that the 'big wave' won't hit until next week..." "...And by then I should already be wearing clean clothes and start working again... Oh how inconvenient." Today I nearly took a walk. / "Naah. I'm going back home. " "...I could try to organize some things..." "...for the next week. It can be rough, if I have to freak out and pull it together at the same time." "Hello? Is this The Ministry of Bureaucracy? It's just that I..." And then, the week after that, I should already more or less have my shit together. / "What? You had some nervous breakdown? I couldn't even tell!" / "Oh shoot! I wish I could handle my nervous breakdowns with that same ELEGANCE. ...But no, It's always just that same crying and yelling." "Don't beat your self for that. It takes years of dedication, to get at this level!" / "They don't call me the QUEEN OF CRISES for nothing!"

I must say that this one was hard to translate. My vocabulary around the theme is wider in Finnish, than in English. "So,I suppose no 'steel-ice' this year." "I doubt." "It will probably snow before that." / "There the river freezes." "It's about time." / "Hiii! What's up?" "I was just going to watch the debacle and ice floes at the terrace." "So are we! But this place was full, let's go to the Cellar Cafe, there's a better view anyways." "Now the big floe at the river complex is going to brake!" / "Wooo!" "Cheers!" / "I wonder if the water is going to rise up to the street-level..." "Nah. Don't think so. The flood is settling already." "In the year '99-" "-I remember." / "I always tell people, that I don't really handle small talk." / "And it's true. I only talk about truly meaningful things."

RAISINLESS. (This one seemed like really boring every-day-diary -stuff, until I started translating it. It suddenly got this slightly disgusting exotic twist. You should maybe know that in Finland the whole 'with raisins or without them' -thing is really a big deal.) "I'll start cooking my self as soon as I get those moving-boxes cleaned away..." "Luckily there are ready-made-meals." Liver casserole, beetroot & mayonnaise -salad. / "...hmm... Something is missing..." "Ha! Raisins!" / "THAT'S why this was so cheap!" "Hoax! If the liver casserole is raisinless, they should MENTION IT ON THE PACKAGING!" "Written on with large letters!" / "Larger than the 'liver casserole'." "THAT you can tell from the picture." /"...No other dish looks as much like dog vomit."

You know this thing when girls are a bit like this: "Mmmm..." "Oh boy..." "Hmmm..." / So may I present you: / ...My dachshund-pillow! / Dachshund-pillow is the best! With it you can adjust any position into a comfortable one! / It doesn't have a name, although I had a dream that I named it 'Pea'. ...'Cos it's green.

One of those days. "Phew! Got that kid finally at the daycare! ...Only 15 mins. late..." / "Coffee. Now." / "Uh. Shit." / "I forgot that my hair was so dirty!" " -And what am I wearing this morning, by the way..." "...Pajama shirt and a too small cardigan!" "Oh damn!" "Can't really hide THIS under my hat." "...Why do I keep making these same mistakes over and over again?" / AT the same afternoon: / "...Oh yes, I already had mandarins..." "...And oranges.." / "Well. Now I have about 5 kilos of citrus fruits." / Luckily I bought one of these: / "...Maybe extra-vitamins are just what I need." I WAS ON A BAD MOOD. So I bought candy. - And got a stomach ache. - I felt like a total sissy. - These kind of undies are really made for a totally different kind of situations. SOMETIMES I'm also on a good mood. - And if I drew a picture of that, it could look like this: - Or something. I found this, didn't remember doodling it:

Sain tämän haasteen, joka onkin aika ajankohtainen elämässäni. The main idea of this challenge is to tell about my relationship with the stuff I own and to think about what really need. Could I give up of everything else, than just about 100 items? And what would those items be? (I might be getting a stroke or something, 'cos writing in English feels suddenly so difficult.) --- 100+n things challenge. / Part 1. Moving boxes. "I live at this temporary-flat at the moment, and most of my stuff is still packed in boxes." "Already before I got this challenge, I've been playing with the idea to throw some of the boxes away without even opening them." "...So which boxes I could just get rid of?" - BOOKS: I have like 40 boxes of these. Maye 1 would be enough. - CLOTHES I NEVER WEAR OR FIX: (But they are vintage!) - CUTE KITCHEN STUFF: I own more than one piece of each items in this picture. Some I have two, some are a part of a small collection. - CURTAINS: There will be only skylight-windows at my new apartment. THESE: All this stuff nearly just for watching kids shows. (...On the other hand, kids shows do play an important role on our everyday life...) - ABSOLUTELY THIS: Fabrics for sewing-projects. - A BOX THAT SAYS "WEIRD CRAP": Nobody needs this stuff! P.S. When I moved last time, I had 3 f these boxes. Before that, I had an attic full of this crap. Now I only have one box, so good for me. - HALF OF MY DISHES: I hate doing the dishes! Less dishes,- better life? - ARTWORK FROM MY YOUTH: - NOTEBOOKS: There are just too many of them! ...Do I really need all of these for the rest of my life? - BATHROOM JUNK: "These are some of the things that quickly came to my mind." "I also noticed, that I've already gotten rid of a lot of unwanted, unneeded and unpractical stuff." "Most of my current property is something that I find attractive or things that are very personal to me." "I'm clearly a collector-decorator. (That's not good, if you keep in mind, that I'm also very messy and unorganized.)" - "...So, what are the things, that I'm still willing to give up in real life too?" " I guess well see when I'll move next time."

Bureaucracy and hurt feelings. *Daylight-alarm clock wearing a sleeping mask. / "Ugh... So what's for the day?" / "Uuuuh... bureaucracy-day!" / "I'd rather spend the day cleaning toilets..." / "...Usually just one bureaucracy-day is enough to ruin the whole week." / "I don't know what I would hate as much as paper work and office-stuff." "...Except for one ex maybe." "Funny thing by the way..." "...This same ex would like us to be friends again." / "And I must respect the effort he's seen to fix our friendship." / "... I mean, if I had found him behind my door with a bundle of roses for example..." "...I would've sent him home with them." / ...But he came by one morning to do my paper work!! "Then you just sign there and there..." "Uh, okay..." "...What was this form again?" "Holy shit! I think he's really trying!" "...maybe..." "...We'll sit at the same coffee table one day." "...Or have some beers together or something." / "Wait a minute." "I'm not anguished at all." / "Weird, but have a feeling, that this could be a good day." February, -20 c outside. I like this lunch diner, 'cos even tough I sometimes bring friend here, I never bump in to someone I know in here, and no one here is interested of my presence. - They have the worst coffee in this town. - Next I'm off to have few afternoon beers with a friend.

"Mom.... Will you get married before I do?" "Well. We'll see." --- A kiss is hard to draw, but I tried.

100+ What ? I seem to use a lot of the word 'vintage' in this. That, and pointing out that I do sometimes use more money on shoes than I should, are in here just to hide the fact that most of my clothing is worthless, old, and never been in fashion. There's also too much 'blah blah blah- waist line -blah blah bah' to be translated, so I'll just roughly sum it up for you non-Finns. I really don't do much shopping, 'cos 1) I'm poor and buying clothes is waste of money, 2) I'm really picky, and shopping is therefore boring, 3) I'm messy, and hate piles of clothes and doing loundry. I give clothes away as soon as I find them unfitting or unflattering. Here's some clothes I'm getting rid of at the moment, and some I shall re-evaluate next summer. (P.S. I like shoes.) So it's not hard for me to give away clothes, but how would my most minimalistic wardrobe look like? CASUAL UNIFORM (that i have worn since I was a teenager.) : A pair of basic jeans, simple top, a pair of Dr. Martens. (Not black ones tough.) A knit and a pair of wool socks. FOR WORKING (with people), MEETINGS, PARTIES, ETC: All the black clothes. I have jackets like that more than I really need. SUMMER: I'm never going to become the summer-fashionista, I every spring think I will. All I really use are these few pieces. Then there are some rarely used clothing, such as THE UGLY, BUT MULTI-FUNCTIONAL: Lots of thin wool-knits here. For camping, traveling, Haapsalu, forest, etc. PARTIES: Few good dresses. At least one for summer and one for winter. And then some random stuff, like my orange biker jacket I bought when I was 19, and still wear and love, underwear (some of them in fine condition), seasonal accessories, and some bags. This is basically what I feel like I could easily survive with. Actually I don't own MUCH more clothing anyways. My wardrobe is quite narrow and functional, and I like it that way. By now I know what I like and what suits me, and I don't do much mistakes when shopping anymore.

LUNCH-NOTES. At lunch, February 2012. / WHAT'S ON MY MIND: E-mails, portfolio works, customer works. Should I do some album finishing, or draw one upcoming thing? / ALSO: I shouldn't spend so much on eating out, but I really need just LEAVE MY FLAT every once in a while. ...Am I having a sinusitis or something? ...Oh, must run back at the desk now! --- Inspirational (?) doodling: Mug-notes, 17.2. at lunch time. I have a ridiculous amount of coffee cups and mugs. Total 36 or 38 cups. Some I use, some I don't, and some I use for an other purpose than drinking from. (That ugly muffin-mug I do not own, but I nearly bought it, 'cos it amused me.) " And I'm afraid that we will become those people who only talk about work." "...Except that you are one of them already." / "...And look at Emmi here! She's gone trough a lot during her life, and I think that she's still finally finding some balance in her life!" "I'm just fine." "Haha! Yeah. You will be just fine one day." / "Psst! I'm gonna tell you a secret. I'M JUST FINE."

Sunday. The restaurant that I would've liked to lunch at was closed. I ended up at this cafe I always hang at. After these free weekends, there's always my poor social skills at the top of my mind. / Happened lately: "If those arrogant morons are coming to talk to us again, you chat with them." / "...Then they'll leave for sure." "Cool." I'm a small talk -monster. / "HELP." "Politics, religion, personalities." "*A 'funny joke' about kids being like messy dogs at the end of the day. Target group: young moms.*" "Please excuse me, but I must go and get hammered now." I'm uncomfortably aware of this. That's why I sometimes just try to stay quiet. / "Isn't she arrogant!" "Act normal!" Also this never happens to me: "Phew! That went well after all!" / ...But always this: " ...I associated with people!... ...two days ago!... ...I now must spend a week alone at the desert to get rid of this stress!" I know that this is a side of me, that people can't see. That's why I also do this: / "Hi." "Hi." / "I'm sorry this situation is terribly uncomfortable for me!" "Oh..." "But it's okay!" / "I can handle this!" "...Yeah." / "...You seem to be doing a great job!" / I'm not sure if it actually helps. (Finished this part few weeks later.) "I don't know why I'm like this. ...I'm not very shy or anything. ...And I don't suffer from loneliness. I guess I'm just a little bit enfant sauvage. (It's French, and it means pretty much 'raised by wolves.')" Happened this fall: / These here are my parents: "Oh, the neighbors are having a yard sale. Thank god they didn't invited us to take part! Uh oh, could you imagine that?" / "I'm starting to understand where my poor social skills come from." "Oh, come on-" / "I did took you to the park and everywhere when you were a kid." "...I just made sure that there weren't anybody else when we went there." "I rest my case." ...I'm also comfortable with doing things alone, or being just by my self for a longer time. I dream about living in an island of my own. I think that growing up in a family of ten, made it so that... ...THIS: "I need few hours alone-time now!" ...BECAME... ...THIS:"I think I need to spend few decades just by my self now!" "Or who knows? Does it matter?" "I know that this is nothing temporary." "This is just how I am. ...And I must learn to live with it somehow." "And please, don't stop inviting me to thingies. I won't come to every single one but I might come to some." "I can't live my life not doing things just because they are hard for me..." / "...Oh, and if I then at some christening or something start for example to tell the priest all the details of the time I gave birth to a children or something, keep in mind that I mean no harm." "And that it's fine by me to explain to that priest that I have a tourette's. Or that I'm possessed. Or something."

Please note that I'm so artistic, that I drew this on the actual meringue bag. So clever! SALMIAC-MERINGUE. (Salmiac is also often translated "salty licorice", but I think it's not really a good translation. Salmiac is a finnish candy, and if you're not sure what it is, you haven't tasted it.) A friend gave me a salmiac-meringue. / "Mmm... Tastes like cotton candy." "Salmiac-cotton candy! Awesome idea!" / "Yum yum." / "...Yuck. Quite a lot of sugar in this." "And salmiac-cotton candy" "What a fucking idea that was?" / " ...I want cucumber-cotton candy. And beer. Lime-beer and cucumber-cotton candy." / "WAIT WHAT? What the heck I'm thinking?" / "It's the sugar rush talking." "I think I need to sleep now."

"I'm in a horry!" / "Hi." "Hi" / "You're blah blah looks nice" "I'm laaaa'ate!" / "...Wait a sec. What did Sid said?" "Come on Bear, let's go!" / "You're all jazzed up. Looks nice!" "What does that mean?" "Jazzed up?" / "...Well it sounded like it was a good thing." / "...'Your hair is up'!" "Of course! 'Your hair is up, looks nice!" / "Huh."

--- My eyes hurt. Organic mascara gets into my eyes during the night, and starts slowly burn off my corneas. / Nobody knows where I am. / To be honest, I my self don't know where I am. - Somewhere in here. / Ragnar went to Haapsalu yesterday. I knew he had to leave, but I still got a 'bit disappointed for a moment. / In the evening I got a strange feeling. / ...Like none of this was real. Like I just made up Ragnar, and this apartment, and Haapsalu too. - Or like everything was a dream. And what about me then? - How real I am myself? / Not very. / "Meow, meoow meooow!" "tick, tock, tick, tock" Well. Nothing much to say then. "Purr, purr, purr" / "Don't bother me with your human-problems." / "At the moment I don't care." "Meoow! Meow" / "Meow! Meow!" / "Hi." "Meoow!" "Meow meow. - Every time I see you, you are in a some sort of a crisis." / "Relax a 'bit. You are so dramatic." "Meow!" / "Meow!" "Oh well. Who am I to speak?" "Mew!" / "Oh! Well hi there small cat!" "Mew mew!" / "What are you after? Should I pet you a little bit?" "Mew mew!" / "Yeah, I know. We all need just a little bit of love." / "I gotta go now. I'll pet you some more, if we shall meet again." "Mew!" / "Mew! - Mew! - Give me food, you idiot!"

HOME ALONE FOR THE WEEKEND. Revealing recognitions! Wild twists never seen before! "Yuck. I overate. - Well, don't have to eat until Monday then." / "I need to buy a new cover for this couch. - ...And roller skates for Roller Derby..." / "I can't believe it. I'm finally sorting out this junk-pile." How come YouTube is recommending me only dolphin-squeeking?-I was listening to Skinny Puppy just 20 min. ago... / "My Russian hair-oil smells like chamomile:" / Lifetime Channels sententious teen-movie. "I'm so clad nobody knows I'm waching this." "...Where is my HAND creme?" "Yuck. They should sell beer in 2dl cans, so I could at once drink it all before it gets bad." / "Am I lonely? - ...Not very? - Should I be lonelier? - Wonder if people feel like they are useless for me?" "What am I gonna do with my album? I think it's finished... - Why can't I just send it to some publisher?" "I'm gonna change clean sheets." / "Aah... Clean sheets..." Next time we shall pick our eye brows, and discuss about the impossible (?) combination of fear of commitment and a relationship!

Just fine, thanks for asking! "I moved again. For the last time for a very long time, i hope." / I've been a 'bit sick. (Influenza.) Fever talk: "Black....'black'...'ink'..." I also moved to a new studio. "Were you thinking about lunch?" "Yeah." Revolutionary!! (I think all my drawing stuff is there, and that's the reason why I'm now drawing with a ballpoint pen in an old notebook.)/ I saw one of my brothers. It's been long since we last met. "...And then all this shit about 'love conquering all'! 'Love heals' and blah blah blah! I mean, who believes in these things?!" "Well, not just that they aren't true, - but it's also very hard to come up with a good story based on those beliefs." I've also met a lot of other people too. "Hi Emmi!" "Well hi you!" / "Who is this person why I never remember anybodys names or faces and then I'm sure I end up hurting their feelings quick now come up with an rescue plan for this situation!" / It's been going O.K. "...Oh, today?... - Nah, I don't think so... - I've been so social for the past few days, that I just need to rest a 'bit. - ...Yeah, an other time." A lot of nice things are about to start soon. But maybe I won't talk about them just yet. / "But damn, I'm going trough a quite happy period right now!" "It's nice to wake up in the mornings, and good things are happening. ...To me! - Quite wild!" Now I just need to get totally rid of this decease. "Mum...are you going to work tomorrow?" "Well, I really should, but I don't know yet how we are gonna arrange that since we are both sick... - Oh that reminds me, let's pop in the pharmacy on our way home." (Mummy made take away Chinese for dinner.) / But I try not to stress. "I love Claire Danes hair." ..Because Everything Is Alright, and it is awesome! "...And now I know that ya all are like "She's clearly in love with somebody!" "Well, no. I'm not" "And I'm not saying, that being in love wouldn't make you happy as well, but these things going on right now... they are like my OWN. I made them happen. For my self. ...And that is in some how even better." The End!

BLOOD ON THE FLOOR. "Well now we have blood on the floor!" // "Check yourself! Who's bleeding?! We need to keep the floors clean!" "Not me! (...I think...)" // "Oh! Did it hurt?" "Noo!" // "It's just a nose bleed. From the flu, I guess." "Oh, well good." ...But the faces of those rugby players were priceless, when the sports halls middle-curtain started to rise! // "Who's bleeding?! Hey chicks?!" "...Is someone bleeding there?" "Yes! This is a tough sport!" // "Ha ha!" "Ha ha" "Phew! I gotta strech soon, before the pain hits me!" // "Owh!" "...Funny thing by the way..." // When I was 15: "At the end of the class I want you to fill up these feedback forms. We use them for planning next years gym classes!" // "In the future I wish to be left alone, and my hate for sports to be respected." "Some people hate flower arranging, some hate anal sex, I hate sports" (Oh YES I did!) // "Emmi! Could you stay for a-" "Don't think so!" And my attitude didn't really got any better... "BUT today..." // ...I did some crazy stuff! "Shit Caht" "Giggle!" ...Quite a lot of this... // ...A remarkable amount of this... // ...But allso... "Wow! I can get FAST with these skates!" "Me! Emmi Valve!" "Am moving on a high speed!" // "Go us!!" "...Oh man." // "...I could get all sensitive with this..." "If I had the physical strength." // "...Gotta eat some painkiller to be able to sleep..." // "I so can't vait for our next practise!" ---- Oh, and the sport we are talking about here is Roller Derby, and the team to support is P-Town Brawlers.

(Hmm, this ballpoint pen is really starting to grow on me...) --- FRIDAY. Party. "I'm so not gonna take part to ANYTHING for a while! I barely made it to this event!" "These are wonderful!" Meeting. "I'm so not gonna take part to ANYTHING for a while! I barely made it to this event!" "OK, so you two are going to take care of that..." Party. "I'm so not gonna..." ...Party. "Well after the happening we are doing this fund raising party - ...Oh and the social policy stuff, and what else do I have for the next few weeks... - But yeah, I'm always available for stuff." --- LAUANTAI. I workout... ...hung over... "I'm glad I realized to take off my mouth guard." ...for the last time. "...Basic Derby stuff." "Don't you think you should ... rise your blood sugar?" "I was so asking for this!" --- SUNDAY. Soap Box Derby! & Test driving! "It went really well, Bear!" "I don't wanna anymore." Brussels sprouts, smokerys "surprise meat", parmesan, pea shoots. Everything O.K.

I, EMMI VALVE, AM THE UNTIDIEST WOMAN ALIVE. "I've always been untidy.." // "But it feels like it got out of my hands during few past years. - It could be 'cose I moved 4 (!!) times during that time. - I've becom such a little piggy!" // I feel like comparing this quality to severe obesiety. (I'm not referring to healt issues here.) "Help! - I'm stuck in here!" "No one can help me, I'm gonna be like this for ever!" "No, I can change! - I'm gonna start the change tomorrow! ...or next week!" // I don't want to be like this: "...So anguished!" // I miss peer comfort: Loose weight , how to get rid of your dishes easily, grab the hoover, tight tights, revolution of a messy missy. "My dishes used to had mold on them, and the only way i could get a pair of clean cnickers was to hand was them in a sink!" // "But eighteen months ago I started this life style make over, - and my goal for the summer is to get familiar with cleaning and ironing curtains!" // "The very best thing of my succes is my new self confidence! It really shows in all aspects of life!" // "And I'm not saying that it's all becose of the new tidy me, but my single years are finally over too!" // In my dreams I'm like this: // And it doesn't feel very utopistic, since I do already have all this: ...But THIS I do not have: // It's been replaced with this: // "HEEELP MEEEE! - I make a mess before I've cleaned up the last one I made! - And I HATE cleaning!!" // "...But maybe I do hate more living like this..." // "But I have no time or energy! - I tried it once, and it didn't work! - It's so hard and expencive! - I think there's just something wrong with my bone structure!" "...- ....Weeelll..." // "...On the other hand I have beaten some serious mental illnesses... - I've changed my diet... - I've gotten in to sports..." // "So why, WHY, wouldn't I beat the shit out of my UNTIDYNESS too?!" // " ...But how? - Where do I start? - And how to make the results last?" // "...I wonder if Martha Steward provides any personal training?" // The End! (At last!)

TUESDAY MORNING 15.5.2012 I didn't stop for a coffee at the market place. / Bar & Cafe Joella wasn't open yet. / So I walked straight to Art Factory. / I picked up my own mug from the studio.../ ...And filled it with coffee at the next door building's school diner. / I seated at the Factory's front yard to drink it. I watched the constructor workers and made plans for the day. / Today I shall draw comics... / And have a meeting with the education and culture board. / If I have the time and energy, I may do some cleaning. / ...Or skating. / ...I tried to bring back my very first memories from Art Factory. It's been so long. / A lot has changed. / ...But something is still the same. "CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE THE HELL IS THE ENTRANCE?!" / That so called culture is pretty nice... "WE ARE NOW HERE TO SEE THAT EXHIBITION OF YOURS!" / "Umm yes, the main doors are open, and then you go to the second floor and-" "THIS IS SO FUCKING TYPICAL, EVERYTHING HAS TO BE MADE SO COMPLICATED! COME ON, LET'S GO IN BEFORE IT STARTS TO RAIN!" / ...But it is ok to treat like dog shit those who make that culture. "Yeah.You're welcome." / P.S. I had no work on display at the Factory's opening art shows. Those tarts just expected so, or something. And by the way, sky was all clear and blue too! --- TUESDAY MORNING 22.5.2012 "Don't drawl over that girl's morning ice cream!" / I may not hate this town. --- DO YOU STILL WONDER what is Taidetehdas, or Art Factory (as translated)? Let me tell you. It's an old factory building in my home town Porvoo, that culture people took over at the 80's. They putted up there working studios, galleries, concert halls, theatre, and so on. Few years ago the town got more interested of the old factory, also becos it started to be in a very poor condition. The town putted in a lot of money, and renovated the place. It now has everything it had before, plus cafes, restaurants, cinema, conference rooms, and a fucking shopping mall. This is all great, but it has been (and still is) a painful process in many ways for the artists, especially for the ones who were there when the Art Factory was originally born.

Sometimes when I'm stressed out, I relax like this: / "After this ginseng-yasmin-sauna-mask I could do a moisturising chocolate-mint-mud-mask..." / ...This happens about once a month. / My cosmetic collection is also a bit strange. - Or, well, Russian. Thanks to my trips to Estonia. /Sometimes I do this: =Moisturising body scrub. And a mess in the bathroom. / WELL, I REALLY HAD NO REAL POINT HERE! Thanks Bye! --- TODAY'S OUTFIT. Next comic is about ever so interesting issue; being true to your style, or "how to wear the same outfit several days on a row". "Oh la la! Clean under shirt! Mmm...!" / "I'm gonna wear this white lace skirt. I never use this anymore." / "Noo! Too much going on! Lace, leopard, see-trough underwear..." - "I'll wear the gingham-shirt!" / "And my sneakers!" "Fuck. I look like I'm TRYING to look like a Finland's Swede..." / "Nah. I'll just put on the skirt I wore yesterday. It's not THAT dirty. ...And a pair of ballerinas too." / "Oh well. This'll do." / The amount of minutes this foolishness screwed up my schedules is a total 20. ---- THOU CONSOLATION FOR THE PEOPLE. "...Time to go to bed..." / "What the heck?!" / "Sounds like some chick is crying and yelling at the same time... - If it's one of my neighbours doped up again, I've had it." / "Yeah. I'm just gonna brush my teeth, and hit the bed before the crazy people of this neighborhood really get on my nerves!" / "Wait a second... It's the dude that lives next to me..." / "He's singing! Quite... with a feeling... Good vibrato... I guess..." "...Confusing..." / "I can hear him pretty well here in my bathroom... - ...What is this song?" / "...Somehow... like... ' The Golden Youth'-vibes... but still not..." / "...Did I spotted a bit of 'Edelweiss' there?..." / "...What he is missing in technique, he's replacing with feeling!" / "Wait! What?! 'Thou consolation for the people' ?" "What song is that line from?" / "...I do get here some Kaj Chydenius-vibes too..." / "It's like he's putted this song together from little pieces of other songs..." / "Yeah! I clearly heard ' Thou consolation for the people'. ...But what was that intro?" / "...Something... Italian? From an opera?" "Oh shoot. I've been here in my bathroom for an hour now." / "Thou consolation for the people?" / Next morning, in my studio: "I shall google ' Thou consolation for the people + lyrics' " / " O' Christmas Night lyrics by Antti Tuisku: O' Christmas night, thou consolation for the people." "...But these other lines don't fit. I wonder if there are different versions of this song...?" / "Hmm..."

"Oh my. I think I may not get ANYTHING done today. - I'm too pissed off." / "...What if I just borrow that women's magazine from Outi, and go and lie on the floor with a bag of candy..." / "Morning!" "Hi!" "Oh well, Pena came. Now I don't dread to. I'm just gonna try to LOOK like I'm working..." / "Dum, dam, dum... here I am, drawing these... bears. Maybe bears will cheer me up." / "There. Now I've made this bear-collage just for the sake of pretence. ...Jeesuschrist what a piece of worthless crap that is!" / "Eeh! ONE PAGE Emmi! One page on any subject at all, and you won't be a total looser!" / ...GUESS WHICH PAGE I DREW? "Hello? - An afternoon beer you say? Weelll... Right now it's a bit..." / "Yeah, I'm in the middle of something here... Not really had a nice flow today, I'm still gonna try to get something done today... -...OK, Bye!" / "Oh Dear Lord!" / "Now quick, give me a medal for that!" / "...Before I take back what I said and run to that bar!" --- BUY A NICE BEAR-COLLAGE! Let's say for a hundred? ...Well for fifty at leats? "Buhuu!! I have nothing to SAY!! Buhuu-uu-uu!! My work is so UNNECESSARY!! Buhuu! Where's the MESSAGE, the POINT, the CONTENTS?! Buhuu? *Me me me*!! I am USELESS!! Buhuu!"

"Oh shoot, I should come up with some good stories quick!" / "...These are OK, but I can't use this same story in two places... - I should do something exciting again, so I would have a story to tell." "Like a romance or something would do. - ...But I can only use 24 pages..." "So it should be like a really short affair... -Or somehow compelitely doomed from the start, so it wouldn't actually evolve in to anything serious at the end!" Hi you difficult bachelor, -or why not a married man! A 27-y old, moody blonde is looking for you for a short term relationship, or for a somekind of troublesome hustle. Looks don't matter, it's your inner conflicts that count! Bonus from being emotianylly challenged, having a weird mother-relationship, plans to move abroad in the near future, and uncapability to process and control your feelings! Can't wait to hear from you! "Leo -84" --- JUNE '12 - I'M STRESSED OUT. "Would you check if we still have some spring onion?" / "Yeah, those are great for this!" I'M AFRAID THAT THE SKY WILL FALL DOWN ON ME IF I STOP COOKING.

I don't like visitors. If you've seen this before, you are either related to me, or I was very, very drunk.

I'm hoping a nap will help for the head ache. I hear the sea. / I guess I could call these lonely journeys of mine retreats of some kind. If it wasn't so lame. Today I've been feeling fine. I fell in love with a cliff. It's soft and hard, smooth and warm. It has receaved storms and the heat of the sun. I fell a sleep on it's lap. / ...Untill... / "Ouch!" "Hey you guys, please stop eating me."

"Oh my! Do I have some thighs!" "...Why not?" "I got Super-Thighs!" "And I'm a great cook!" "Quite a catch, I would say!" --- This is my amused face: It is also my friendly face, my sad face, my lost face, my scared face, my romantic face, my surpriced face, and my i-need-to-get-the-hell-out-of-here-face.

Fishing with A. and my little brother. / A. has chicken pox. / Many rainy days at my parents house. / I can't stop cooking. / I can see below the surface. / I forget everything serious. / I believe, that there are things you just won't get tired of./ I sail! (And I still want a boat of my OWN!) / I haven't worn make up for weeks... ...or pants either. / I dream.

(....and it was about time! I would also like to remind the world, that I am as well an illustrator as I am a comic artist!) So check it out here: Emmi Valve / Illustrations . I also have been drawing comics like my houseplant's life depended on it, so some of that ol' stuff coming soon as well!

I've been a bit tired lately. "Hmm... It says here that you are entrepreneur..." "I'm not!" // "Well but it says so here." "No no no, there's a mistake! - !!! I'm not-" // "Yeees... Fill these please..." " I. HAVE. FILLED. THOSE. EIGHT. TIMES. I'm not a ' self-employed entrepreneur'! I don't understant why-" // "Callm down there. - We'll fix your situation TOGETHER. So, for a start..." // "You need to renew your open job application." "...But I'm not unemployed! Or an entrepreneur!" // "I mean this doesn't even SOUND LOGICAL!" "Yes. Well. No. -Bye!" // "...WHAT?! ...HOW?!" "Hi, it's Emmi Valve calling..." // "About this verdict you have made without the documents about my income... Well, it's just that I've send them to you, many times, and I just really don't know what to do about it anymore..." // "I see. And which address you used?" "Well, this one in your letters." //"Oh, you know, that's our OLD address. Well, we shall think about this, and I really can't say yet if we shall make a decisison of this being our mistake or yours. We'll get back to you on that." // Greetings To Sauli Niinintö! (***Who is our Presindent here in Finland, and who just published the cutest little pamflet with helpful tips to prevent social exclusion. For excemple telling poor people to drink less and clean their windows will help. This message is also suggested to be spread by rapping on the streets. So kids can get it too. ...No, I'm not kidding. I couldn't come up with jokes like this.***) I ALSO GOT DIAGNOSED. // "So, I went trough your blood test here..." // "And I must say that the results are awesome! Even this little reading here, and it's not easy to keep that one still!" // "I haven't seen a person as healthy as you! - ...Ain't that something!" // "Thanksbyyyye!" // Yeah. That sure is something!

I took my stepsisters cat to take care of it until it finds a new home. (Her older cat can't get along with this younger one. )// We had a rocky start. // "Shut up you horny bitch!" // // "Oh well... I do feel you sis... It IS hard..." Without noticing we started to get closer... "Uh, I'm too lazy. You come closer if you wanna get scratched." // // "Wow! You just threw yourself down from there! Respect! - I mean, why bother to get up if you don't need to!" // ...And closer... "Oh you brought me a pray?" // "A bag of chocolate coins! Where did you ever even found these?!" I have some problems with the relocating: "Interested of a cat? I have a good one for you." // "Pretty face, nice furry tale, good personality. How about?" // "Sounds like you don't REALLY wanna get rid of it!" "I do!" "Youuu Looove the caat! Youuu Looove the caaat!" "No! I do not love it! We just HIT IT OFF! That's all!" //And I don't always love her: "Fuck you cat! Why couldn't you just hold it until I get home to open the bathroom door!" // ...ALWAYS, that is... "...It'surprisingly nice to have SOMEONE here." "Should I keep you? // YET: "(In swedish:) Hey kitty, come back!*" *She sometimes understands Swedish better than Finnish. "Man, she's always running away! ...But I wouldn't like to be locked inside all the time either..." // AND: "Yep, maybe next week would do... O shit, wait! What am I gonna do with the cat if I'm out of the town!" // "Well, it would be better if you had a better home..." "Kiss!" "Ouch! What the fuck?! Did you just bit my nose?!" "Yes I did. "We really get along like great! It's like so ...natural! Sometimes I feel like I'm living with a small and furry version of my self... But then.. Like literally in EVERY relationship I've had... In practice level we start to fail... Things don't fit and it all get's too complicated... Same thing. Every time. I don't know... I guess I have to blame my self..." ---- IF YOU NEED A GOOD CAT, CONTACT ME.

RAINY SUNDAY. I wake up feeling oddly sad. "Everything is all right... Everything is all right." // I miss-calculate. "What a huge mistake to listen to some sonic youth." // "I rather listen to the rain. - ...Can't even read this magazine." // "I should be living in those pictures in the magazine. - By the sea. - But instead I'm stuck here. - Forever." "I remember to buy toilet paper! - Congratulations to me!" // "Now I need a massive pile of comfort-food. - ...I miss the kid too." // Pampering my self does help. "I guess this is comfortable too." // "When I close my eyes, I can pretend to be somewhere else. - This rain could be anywhre." // "...But still. What if I notice that any of the hard work I've been doing, hasn't paid off at the end.." "...And I will never get home?" - The end! (Tomorrow I'm -maybe- more hopeful.) --- ORDINARY THURSDAY. I cutted my self bangs morning. "...My temple is so ...bare." // "Okaythen..." //I gave a phone-interview. // "Lunch." // "Something healthy. - I'm still suffering from sugar-hungover from yesterday." Me yesterday: "I fucking hate this shit that these stores only have tiny sizes! I don't wan't any 'Great Girls' pants with some fucking boot cut and 'pity-diamonds' they put in fat girls jeans, like the pants used to belonged to Missy Elliot!" // "I will buy my pants from somewhere where it's not made humiliating!" // "...The problem WAS the jeans, NOT my ass... - But I still better cut down sugar. I only get sick and cranky from it. - I made a mistake when I thought eating candy would pick me up." // ''One publisher sent these books for our book club, and I'm gonna mark every section I find offensive as a woman." // ''21 notes on the first 20 pages. ...I may not wanna finsh reading this.'' I come to bar&cafe Paahtimo to draw and read the magazines. // ''Here I'm drawing this picture.'' // ''Horoscope: single leos should now seek permanent happiness from a relationship.'' // ''Uh. Shut up universe.'' // '' ...I shall look in to this relationship-thingie at the same time when I shall quit smoking...'' // ''..Which is 'When I want to.' - ...The guy at the corner table was quite handsome tough.'' --- MY NOTES FROM SIX HOURS OF TAX-LECTURE.

(What have I learned since my last post? Nothing. Absolutely nothing!) --- LUNCH. ''What did you have?'' ''Double chocolate cake.'' ''...You know, this wiener they gave me is huge.'' ''... - ...I want sex.'' (Well. Atleast there was cake.) --- Just saying,- that wasn't my ACTUAL lunch, that was my second lunch.

When I was a teenager, there was no such thing as fashion blogging. Maybe better so. But reading few of them today inspired me to draw this. ---- Me, at 18, photographed outside, in pouring rain, in front of a piece of wallpaper. Silver paint is from a friends paint-thingie that exploded in my kitchen few years later. Thank God it's all over now.

''This party is dead." "We need some entertainment!" // "Hey, let's call in Smart Girl!" "Hmm...risky! It's going to be hard to beat the economy-student at Börje's last party... But let's do it then!" // Ta-dah! // "Sure looks perky, but can she talk?" // *smart-talk* "Ho ho ho! More!" // *smart-talk* // ''Phew!" "Ho ho ho!" "Not bad! Not bad at all!" // "I must say you are an intelligent young woman! - ( And by that I mean this is how long I was able to concentrate while watching your moving mouth, and now I want sex as reward.)" // "You ain't as smart as you think you are! - (And by that I mean this is how long I was able to concentrate while watching your moving mouth, and now I want to shut it by sticking a dick in there, so deep that you'll have to puke trough your nose.)" // "Well go on then. Hop a long! Good luck with your future!" "Maybe we'll ask you to sit with us for a while when you no longer are attractive." // "...I'm bored again... Does Lars still have that dancing bear?" THE END! (...or is it?)

Okay, I'm not trying to turn this in to a fashion blog. I was just having fun doodling and colouring these little everyday scenes, and this is what came out of them. (...Don't get the Emm Looks -pun? Well check out this , it's the most well known street style blog in Finland. And ''Hel'' as in ''Helsinki'' so...) The Occasion: Going to the studio. 1) Nothing done here. Not for the hair. Not for the face. 2) This is fake. (Like I even could afford a real one.) 3) Elevators seem to be the places where I finally realize what I actually am wearing. 4) My standard breakfast; a croissant and a mochachino. Then some REAL coffee. 5) A completely irrational selection of shirts and tops. 6) Nowadays these jeans are called ''boyfrien jeans''. Back in the days ALL jeans looked like this. The Occasion: The most boring and stupid ''student party'' I've ever seen. 1) My ''I can't believe I payed to get in here'' -face. 2) Very entertaining match box. 3) Teeny tiny little beer, overpriced and served from a plastic cup. 4) My most unflattering grey sweater. (Also known sometimes as ''lesbian shirt''.) 5) This black skirt I use everywhere, with everything. Really. The Occasion: Stopping by at the day care, on a rainy day. 1) Hat, Could not find my umbrella when I left the house. 2) Huge cardigan, because wool is warm, even when wet. 3) ''Is THIS my umbrella? Did I left it HERE? Could I just take it? What if it's not mine, would that be stealing?" Didn't take it. Very high moral from me. 4) Ugly rubber boots. Need to get prettier ones. The Occasion: Tax lecture for artists and other low lifes. 1) Make up! Yes! Shit loads of it! 2) This sweater makes me feel like Audrey from Twin Peaks. 3) My comfort-coffee. One you need when you are about to enter a room full of strangers. 4) I love these jeans. I only wear other pants to trick my friends in to thinking that I actually wash this pair every once in a while. 5) A note book to doodle in during the lectures. The Occasion: Children's party. 1) Shitty hair with a weird hairdo. 2) Paperclip used as a hairpin. 3) Yesterdays leftover- make up. 4) Some white dirt on my black jeans. 5) The grey ''lesbian shirt''. Can't get enough of it. 6) Drain opener. Needed to buy some. So I did. The Occasion: Roller Derby practise. 1) This blue thing her ; an actual piece of actual sports wear! 2) Maybe I wore make up, maybe I didn't. Can't remember. 3) I'm freakishly comfortable in the hot pants. 4) A ladder in my tights. Of course. Well, good thing this is Roller Derby, not gymnastics. 5) This old djembe drum -back is where I keep my skates, helmet, a selection of tights, a mouth guard, and other essentials. 6) ...Sooo... My panties are visible. Shit. Oh well. (A bit more prostitute-ish than I was aiming for...) The Occasion: At the mail box. 1 ) Keys! Hooray for getting back in the apartment! 2) Prints on prints on ...prints. 3) Wait. Am I wearing any underwear? No? Holy moley, I feel suddenly so naked! I bet all my neighbours have x-ray visions! 4) I love these pants, They are a part of me. I think a big part of me lives in them too. At least what comes to loose skin cells and stuff. --- This whole thing reminds me somehow of those inserts in all these make over TV-shows, where they first introduce the poor thing who's friends an family are sick of her looking like a normal person, and have sent her to the show to become prettier and that way a better and a happier human being. So here's the climax: The Occasion: The Great Style Make Over -TV show. 1) A hairdo no one EVER asks from their hairdresser, but some unfortunate ones still get. 2) ''Throw away those glasses, they make you look like you red something at some point! Here, more fake lashes, they'll help you to get rid of that stigma.'' 3) ''Look, this is the RIGHT way to add some cute 'rock'n roll' to your outfits! Use accessories! Just look at this studded clutch, ain't it FUN!'' 4) The most boring dress I've ever seen.